It’s Never An Easy Decision

2009-04-07

Today I smelled Spring which for me smells like Flowering Plum trees. Growing up we had one in the front yard and it smelled sweet in the Spring and wreaked havoc in the fall — plums falling to the sidewalk — smashed under sneakers and bikes and Hot Wheels.  That tree survived a severe amputation at about the age of 18 when my brother, mowing the lawn, bonked his head then in a fit of rage cut off the offending limb.  But it didn’t survive a strong wind at about the age of 37.  It was a sad day when we had to clean away the debris but we didn’t want to forget, so the stump is still there — in the middle of the yard — respectfully circumvented by the lawn mower.

Don’t we all smell sweet sometimes and make messes at others?  And when your significant other is dropping plums all over your shared life, do you wait for another spring?  Or uproot?

It’s never an easy decision.

Typical Tuesday

What a funny little life.

• Boy Toy didn’t text me.
• Coffee Quickie with married guy friend.
• Crazy busy helping my virtual work mates.
• Talked to BFF a couple times who is moving back to town.
• Sifted thru stack of greeting cards from ex.
• Cried.
• Washed down the counter cuz tomorrow housekeeper is coming.
• Counter is dirty cuz nephew lives with me.
• When washing the counter, leave the microwave pulled out so cats can use as step.
• Logged on to goddamn facebook.

Boy Toy Rendezvous

It was Thursday the 19th and I was sipping a glass of white wine in the hotel lounge waiting for my 11pm rendezvous.

I’d done my hair & makeup, dusted off the push up bra, and buckled on my sexy red shoes but I still wasn’t feeling right. I was nervous … anxious … beside myself.

Then it was time and there he was.  And it turned out I didn’t need red shoes after all.  All I needed was some conversation, some laughter, and some cologne that smells like summer.  He brought me back into myself.

And then he brought me all the way home.

Boy Toy

I’ve lost My Toy.

My Toy was remotely located and started sending me instant messages one day. At first I didn’t know what to do with the messages but they kept coming and were funny and asked me about myself…. which made me feel happy and flattered.

So I played. I messaged back.

After about a week I realized I was looking forward to coming to work. After another week I realized my whole life seemed…. shinier.

But now I think I broke it.

It’s been several days now with no messages. I miss My Toy. And now that it’s gone my life seems so…. ordinary.

Siesta Key

Today is Saturday, Jan 3.
…..

Usually on business trips I spend days working with lots of different people and then, drained, spend my evenings in my hotel room, recharging.

Last month in Orlando, I forced myself to take an evening and drive to the coast. Siesta Key beach was glorious.

A Question of Honor

Today is Friday, Jan 2.
…..

Answered a knock on my door this morning in my bathrobe.  Guy says – I’d like to ask you about your ex-husband.  Do you know his address?  Phone number?

“Regarding?”  I ask.  “His Trailblazer,” he says.

Oh.  “We’ve been divorced two years,” I say, “…you can see why…”  Blah, blah, blah I blabber on for a few.

He leaves. I figure I owe more to my ex more than the repo man. Honor among thieves I guess.

(As My Allusion says – I can’t make this crap up.)

…..

Later I get out the pet carrier to take the stray to the vet.  I sprinkle treats inside, he falls for it, and I zip up while Shelby watches.

Not one meow in warning – “Dude!  Don’t go in there! At the very least you’re going to the vet and at most may lose your gonads!”

No honor among cats?

Shelby today.  “Who Me?”

Happy New Year

A new year’s story problem for you:

If a 45 year old woman in a 9×12 room hermetically seals herself into the room with 4 sheets of .7 mil plastic then proceeds to spray 3 12oz. cans of flat black spray paint into the room, how many brain cells would she lose?

(What da ya think… I was going to talk about resolutions?  Boring…)

The Missing Peice

Have I told you about my nephew that cracks me up?  He’s a senior in high school and spent last Sunday with his Auntie Jen painting her office, putting up a new light fixture and painting the switch plates from white to metallic.  Very cool. 

---

Sent: Wednesday, September 24, 2008 11:29 PM
To: Kraus, Jennifer V
Subject: Missing Piece

i Have found the missing piece for in your house!!! EBAY AUCTION

– Nephew

---

Sent: Thu, Sep 25, 2008 at 9:03 AM
To: Nephew
Subject: Missing Piece

Sometimes you don’t know something is missing in your life until you see it. Now I know I’ve been waiting all my life for a Very Large Hand Blown Glass Wall Bowl.

– Jen

Also Might Work For Blogstipation

I called MyAllusion tonight leaving work.

JK:  “What did you do over this fine Labor Day weekend?”

MA:  “Went to a friends cabin on the lake. Did a lot of boating and laying on the beach with a good book.  What did you do?”

“I was really excited for the weekend cuz I was going to get some projects done around the house.  Needless to say, I’m not as far along as I thought I would be.”

“Did the projects involve painting?”

“Yeah…. how did you know?”

“A lot of your projects involve painting.”

“Yeah, well one of these days I’ll have it all done.  Brant called me lazy.”

“Huh?”

“Lazy.  Cuz I don’t get projects done. I tried to explain to him about my mental ailment that puts blockages in my head.”

“What the hell are you talking about.”

“I’m not lazy – I’m a hard worker.  But I get these blocks in my head that keep me from starting projects.  I need a colonoscopy.”

“A what?!”

“Is that the right word?  Where they stick a hose in your bee-hind and shoot water up there?”

“Colonic.  It’s called a colonic.”

“Yeah that.  I need one for my brain.”

“I gotta go.”

“Me too.  Picking up some paint.”

Ch-ch-ch-changes

When I was in the fifth grade my eyes changed and I had to get glasses.  I’ve worn ‘em ever since.  In your forties, supposedly your eyes start changing again.

This week I had an appointment with the eye doctor.  Since I changed insurance, it was someone I hadn’t seen before.

Reviewing my chart he asks, “How old are you?”

“Forty four,” I say.

“Noticed any changes in your vision recently?”  He looks up.

I look him straight in the eye and say, “No…..?”

One eyebrow goes up and he remains silent.

“None that I’m going to admit to,” I say defiantly.

He returns to writing in the chart.  “You and Moses,” he mutters, “living in D’ Nile…”

I don’t need reading glasses.  I don’t need reading glasses.  I don’t need reading glasses…